Yvette: a Journey from Darkness into Light
By Annetta Small
‘I saw myself on my hands and knees eating stale crumbs off a dirty floor because I could not stand up and see the feast that God had for me. ‘God, please help me to stand up and leave these crumbs alone and enter into what you have for me,’ I prayed one day after a six-year involvement in the lesbian lifestyle.’–Yvette Cantu Schneider ~ Christian wife, mother, former lesbian
“Are you and your girlfriend having a homosexual relationship?” Yvette’s mother asked her one day, suspicious of the relationship she saw between Yvette and her closest friend. Angered and devastated, Yvette, then 17, locked herself in the bathroom and cried. Although the thought of such a relationship repulsed her, deep in her heart she wished that it were true. ‘Everything I need is in this relationship’ she thought miserably.
In college, professors who ridiculed the Christian faith influenced Yvette, and she became hostile towards Christians, without really listening to them. However, in spite of being popular and getting top grades, her life seemed empty and meaningless. Struggling with physical and emotional symptoms, she visited therapists, healers, and clairvoyants, but nothing could alleviate the gnawing emptiness in her life.
While working at a hotel in Laguna Beach, California, Yvette came into contact with the homosexual community for the first time. Among many close male homosexual friends, a special bond developed with Ed from Argentina. ‘You’ve got an implicit homosexual relationship,’ Ed would always say about Yvette’s new best girlfriend. And she would say, ‘Look, just because you’re gay doesn’t mean that everyone’s gay and that you can’t have a good friendship.’ But she realized that she did not connect with the guys she dated like she did with this friend.
Increasingly dissatisfied with her life, Yvette soon decided she needed a change. Accepted at the University of Delhi in India, she went into the Himalayas to learn Hindi. And in the process, she became close friends with her teacher who was four years older. Several months later, at the teacher’s initiation, the relationship became physical.
Consumed with inner turmoil and stunned at what she had done, Yvette walked the paths of the Himalayas trying to reconcile the conflict between her feelings and her actions. ‘This can’t possibly be who I am,’ she thought, but she finally decided that the reason for her guilt was that society had taught her that lesbian behavior was wrong.
Upon her return to the States, Yvette told Ed she was a lesbian. His response shocked her. ‘There’s no hope for me,’ he said. ‘I’m lost already, but, believe me, you do not want to get involved in that lifestyle.’ Ignoring what she felt was hypocritical advice, Yvette began visiting lesbian bars. Angry at society and its morality, she became involved in homosexual activism and joined the ‘Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation’ [a pro-homosexual media organization]. She finally felt good because she had an outlet for her pent-up rage.
One night at a lesbian bar in southern California, Yvette encountered Christians passing out fliers. ‘Don’t you have anything better to do on a Saturday night than to come here and harass us?’ she protested. One man replied that God loved her and asked her not to be offended. That small act of kindness did not keep her from going into the bar, but it did begin to change her perception of Christians and her stereotypes of them.
After another relationship with a woman ended, Yvette moved out to care for Ed and a friend who now had AIDS. When they felt well, they attended an endless stream of parties. But afterward, she thought, ‘My life is so empty and meaningless. There has to be more than this.’
At the law firm where she worked, Yvette met Jeff, an outspoken Christian who impressed her with his knowledge of Scripture. Jeff could back up everything he believed about how to live daily life with the Bible. Yvette realized that after studying Eastern and Native American mysticism, she still could not give one practical answer to life’s great questions, nor had she found fulfillment. Finally, she told God, ‘I’ve tried to find You for years. For my whole life I’ve been reading this book and that book, and I feel like I’m further away from You than ever.’
Reluctantly, she began asking Jeff questions about the Bible, even while figuring there was no way she could ever be a Christian. ‘I’m a lesbian,’ she thought. Finally, Yvette got up the courage to attend a church. She had never been in a Christian church before. Commenting on her first visit, she states, ‘I could feel the presence of the Lord there, but I didn’t really know why Jesus died for mankind.
I wanted to go up to the front and ask the pastor to pray for me, but I didn’t know what an altar call was.’
Afterward, when a woman explained the Gospel and repentance to her, Yvette said, ‘Look, I believe homosexuality is okay; I believe abortion is okay. I’m so different from what Christians believe. There’s no possible way that I could do that.’ But the woman replied, ‘It doesn’t matter if you believe those things are okay. If you read God’s Word with an open heart, the Holy Spirit will change you. You don’t have to change yourself.’
So Yvette told God, ‘My life has been terrible. I’ve done terrible things with it, and now You can have it. You’re in control.’ And a tremendous relief swept through her, like she had come home from a long journey. She felt like God had opened His arms and said, ‘Come to Me and be My daughter.’ And she replied, ‘Thank you so much for letting me in.’
Her friend Ed also gave his life to the Lord and a year later died of complications from AIDS. About six months before he died, he shared with her these poignant words, ‘I appreciate God’s mercy so much, and I appreciate His grace, and soon I’m going to get to see Jesus face to face.’
Epilogue: Yvette Cantu Schneider has been out of the lesbian lifestyle since 1992. She married Paul Schneider in December 1999. They have two daughters, Jessica and Erica. They minister in the St. Louis, Missouri, area to those desiring to overcome homosexuality.
You, too, can turn from the darkness to the Light of Jesus Christ. If you desire to have your sins forgiven and a home in heaven, you must realize the following:
You have a need.
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. –Romans 3:23
There is a penalty for sin.
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. –Romans 6:23
God has the answer.
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. –Romans 5:8
You must turn from your sin.
Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out. –Acts 3:19
You must trust Christ alone to save you.
Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved. –Acts 16:31
Why not do it today?
If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. –Romans 10:9